Taming Those Awful Tantrums Excepted from Perfect Parenting

Question: Yes, yes, I know, "Temper tantrums are a normal childhood
reaction to anger and frustration." Knowing this does not make it easier
when my daughter's ballistic contortions are punctuated by her piercing
screams. There has got to be a way to end this agony! Ideas, please!

Think about it: You're right, it's normal for children to have tantrums.
But your response to them will determine if they keep having them and
having them and having them.

Create a "Tantrum Place": Let your child know in advance that all
tantrums will take place in one specific room, such as her bedroom, the
bathroom or the laundry room. When a tantrum starts, you can escort your
child to the "tantrum room" with one brief comment: "You can come out when
you're done." If she comes out of the room, and she's still having the
tantrum, just lead her back repeating, "You can come out when you're done."
At first your child may spend the whole day in the tantrum room, but she'll
quickly find out that tantrums are no fun without an audience!

Help develop self-control: If your child has tantrums and can't seem to
calm herself down, it's best to teach her how to control herself. Do this
by enveloping her in a hug and rocking her with soothing words, "It's okay.
Calm down." When the tantrum is winding down, distract her by washing her
face or giving her a drink of water. Do not give in to the child's original
request, and stay calm yourself. At a quiet time, begin to teach your child
what to do when she gets angry (what words and actions are appropriate).

Take away the audience: As long as your child's tantrum is not dangerous to
her or to property, feel free to say, "I'm leaving the room. Come and get
me when you're done." And do just that. Busy yourself with something else,
and wait patiently for your child to calm down.

Big-kid tantrums? Make an agreement with an older child who displays
tantrum behavior that when she starts to lose control, you're going to ask
her to go to her room to cool off. If she doesn't go immediately to her
room when asked, she will lose a privilege (decide in advance what that
might be -- telephone, TV, bike riding, for example) or she'll be assigned
an extra chore. This is, of course, in addition to the fact that she still
gets to go to her room to calm down.

Use distraction: When you see your child beginning to lose control,
distract her before the tantrum can turn into a full-blown outburst.

Preventative measures: Avoid tantrums by offering your child choices.
Instead of saying, "Get ready for bed right now," which may provoke a
tantrum, offer a choice, "What would you like to do first, put on your
pajamas or brush your teeth?" In addition, you may be able to elude
tantrums by avoiding the situations that most likely set your child off,
such as allowing her to become overtired, overhungry or overstimulated.

Take note: If your child has frequent intense tantrums it would be wise to
talk with your pediatrician, a counselor or a family therapist.

Wait! Wait! I have another question: Handling tantrums at home is one
thing. But what about in public? My child yells, stomps, screams and throws
his body onto the floor when he doesn't get his way. He does this in public
places, like the grocery store, toy store or restaurant -- anywhere there's
an interested audience. I feel like my hands are tied when everyone's
watching us.

Think about it: The first time your child acted this way in public, you
were probably caught off guard. In your embarrassment, you did everything
you could to stop the tantrum. If you had looked closely, you would have
seen a little twinkle appear in your child's eye as he realized he had
discovered a new way to get what he wants.

Prepare in advance: Use a preventive approach by reviewing desired behavior
prior to entering a public building. "Eric, we're going into the toy store
now. We are going to buy a birthday gift for Troy. We are not buying
anything for ourselves today. If you see something you like, let me know,
and I'll put it on your wish list. I want you to remember to walk beside me
and keep your hands to yourself."

Be reasonable: While you may be concentrating on your tasks, your child has
been shoved in and out of his car seat and ushered from place to place
enduring endless hours looking at grown-up knees. You may be able to
prevent tantrums by bringing along a toy or snack to keep your child
occupied. Also, get him involved by having him select groceries, find the
shoe store, read the menu to you or any other "busy work." The positive
attention and focused activity will keep him too busy to worry about having
a tantrum.

Get out of dodge: When a tantrum starts, put your face next to your child's
ear and announce, "Stop now or we go out to the car." If he doesn't stop,
pick him up or lead him to the car. Sit him in the back seat while you
stand outside the door (or, in foul weather, sit in the front seat and
pointedly ignore him). An alternative to the car is to find a secluded
bench or quiet corner. If he doesn't stop quickly, and you can change your
schedule, go home. Send him to his room for a specified time (about 3
minutes for every year of age, for example, or 15 minutes for a 5 year
old.) The extra time it takes to do this once or twice will establish great
credibility and can save you from many painful hours at the mall with an
obstinate teenager.

Get HIS attention: Get eye level with your child and say, "Follow me."
Break eye contact and begin to walk away. Walk slowly where he can see you.
Many children will follow. If yours doesn't, stop a short distance away and
wait, pretending interest in something else, while you wait. After a few
minutes pass, and your child has calmed down, you can approach your child,
hold him by the hand, and say, "Let's go now."

Use a poker face. Deal with it later: Stand above your child with arms
crossed and a stern face. Say nothing. When the tantrum is over, complete
your errands. When you return home, announce that since your child had a
tantrum while you were out, he will suffer a consequence now (no dessert
after dinner, staying inside, missing his TV show or going to bed early).
Do this once, then use it as your "ace in the hole." At the next public
tantrum say, "Stop now or you will stay inside when we get home, like you
did last week." You child will remember and know you mean business.

Set up a training session: If public tantrums are a regular occurrence,
plan a training session. Go to the grocery store. Buy a few staples and put
a nice assortment of your child's favorite goodies in the cart (potato
chips, ice cream and cookies). Walk around long enough for your child to
have the expected tantrum. Walk the cart over to the register and announce
to the cashier that you'll have to leave the groceries and go home because
your child is misbehaving. (Smile at the cashier and she'll probably smile
back, happy to see at least one customer controlling her child!) Then go
home. Your child will most likely comment on the loss of the goodies. Just
say, "Oh, well, some other time." Expect great, loud unhappiness, but
long-term value!

If all else fails: After an unpleasant experience, plan an outing and leave
your child at home with a baby sitter. Explain that the tantrum she had the
day before is the reason why she is staying home. Expect crying, screaming
and pleading, but be firm. Doing this once has an impact that lasts a long
time.

by Elizabeth Pantle

Developing A Great Character

By: Brian Tracy

Being the Best In Every Area
What is character? Your character is the degree to which you live your life
consistent with high, life-enhancing values. A person who lacks character
is one who compromises on higher order values in favor of lower order
expedience, or who has no values at all. Your adherence to what you believe
to be right and true is the real measure of the person you have become to
this moment.

Define What "Excellence" Means to You
Let us say that one of your values is "excellence." Your definition of
excellence could be, "Excellence means that I set the highest standards for
myself in everything I do. I do my very best in every situation and under
all circumstances. I constantly strive to be better in my work, and as a
person in my relationships. I recognize that excellence is a life-long
journey and I work every day to become better and better in everything I do."

Organize Your Actions
With a definition like this, you have a clear organizing principle for your
actions. You have set a standard by which you can evaluate your behavior.
You have created a framework within which you can make decisions. You have
a measuring rod against which you can compare yourself in everything you
do. You can continually grade your activities in terms of "more" or "less."
You have a clear target to aim at and organize your work around.

Decide What You Want for Your Family
It's the same with each of your other values. If your value is your family,
you could define this as, "The needs of my family take precedence over all
other concerns. Whenever I have to choose between the happiness, health and
well being of a member of my family, and any other interest, my family will
always come first."

Keep Focused
From that moment onward, it becomes easier for you to choose. Your family
comes first. Until you have fully satisfied the needs of your family, no
other time requirement will side track you into a lower value activity.

Shape Your Own Character
The wonderful thing about values clarification is that it enables you to
take charge of developing and shaping your own character. When your values
and goals, your inner life and your outer life, are in complete alignment,
you feel terrific about yourself. You enjoy high self-esteem. Your
self-confidence soars.

When you achieve complete congruence between your values and your goals,
like a hand in a glove, you feel strong, happy, healthy and fully
integrated as a person. You develop a kind of courage that makes you
completely unafraid to make decisions and take action. Your whole life
improves when you begin living your life by the values that you most admire.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do to put this ideas into action immediately.

First, create a clear, written description of your values and what they
mean to you. From that point on, resolve to live consistent with your own
definition.

Second, discipline yourself to live in complete alignment with the values,
virtues and qualities that are most important to you. This is the key to
character.

Why Trying to Fix Him or Her Never Works

Did you know that the most common mistake women make is to marry a man with
the intention of making him over into the man she hopes he will become. The
paradox in this make over attempt is that even if successful, it can't
really work.

If he was still a child at heart when they married, he probably married her
because he needed mothering. And if she succeeds in her attempt to make a
man out of him, he will no longer need a mother. He must then fly the coup
in order to find someone who will be a closer match for who he is now
BEING. This happens in marriages more often than you might imagine.

In one case I remember, the subject of the makeover attempt, strayed from
the nest to have an affair with a younger woman. When he came "back to
Mama" confessing his sins, saying "I'm sorry'", she wouldn't accept his
apology. She considered him damaged goods and refused to accept him back
into the nest. She assumed the role of "the wife betrayed," a "poor me" victim.

Her victim story: "I spent years making him over into the man I wanted him
to be, and now that I've succeeded, he has betrayed my trust by going to
bed with another woman." She never forgave him and the marriage quite
naturally ended in divorce.

This woman made several mistakes (in my opinion).

She didn't marry the man for who he was, but for who she thought he could
become.

She made him wrong in the process of trying to make him into "Mr. Right"
and he therefore didn't really like himself that much when with her.

When he sought elsewhere for the approval he needed, but couldn't find with
her, she refused to see that she had any responsibility whatsoever in what
happened to their marriage.

She took the stand, "I'm right / he's wrong," thereby becoming the victim
of his straying from the nest. I hope you can see this as the victim story
it is.

Notice that her love for him had conditions. That's not real love. "Love,
(my definition) is the space we create for each other to be who we are."
That's the definition of unconditional love and it's also God's love for you.

One of the key elements necessary to a loving relationship is, "Your
significant other must like him or herself when with you." If you're trying
to "fix" your relationship partner with a make over, you're sending a
message that he or she is not okay the way he or she is. That person won't
feel loved and won't like him/herself when with you.

It doesn't take rocket-science to predict the outcome of your relationship
if either party doesn't like him/herself when with the other.

You'd be wise to realize that any attempt to make over your significant
other would just naturally be doomed from the start. The only sure way to
change him or her would be to change yourself first. If you have a
relationship problem, ask yourself, "Who would I be BEING if that were no
longer a problem."

One of the wisest ways of looking at this question is to realize that you
probably needed the problem as a stepping stone for growing. At least
that's been my experience with the problems I've faced and been able to
rise above. Without our problems, there'd be no growing!

Hope that helps.

Please get that all relationship problems get solved, only after you've
made the BEING shift that would change your perspective on the perceived
problem.

Author: Darel Rutherford

12 Easy Ways to Organize your Work or Home Life (or both!)

I admit it! Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the seemingly endless
streams of paperwork. Emails I want to keep, Ezines or sections
of them, ideas I found on the Internet, school papers, notes of
ideas that popped into my head as I was waiting to have a tooth
filled, newspaper clippings ... EEEK! I would file and file and
file and then forgot where that article was that I needed to
complete the project that was due last Thursday!

I have been an avid list-maker all my life out of necessity,
juggling a 9 to 5 work life, family time, a home business and
taking care of two houses; as well as having a number of hobbies
such as cartooning and fine art, clothing design and creation,
crafts and ballroom dancing (at one point in my life even being
a competitive ballroom dancer for 5 years as well as an
assistant disk jockey for parties). (no stress!)

For all of you super-busy people I have put together some handy
hints on getting your life in order and keeping your sanity.

1) Notables: Keep a small notebook and pen handy, wherever you
are, to jot down ideas or appointments or things to do instead
of trying to remember them later on.

2) Telephonery: Set a time limit to each phone call and make
sure you tell your caller. That way you save yourself the stress
of trying to end the phone call and it also helps the caller to
condense the information they want you to hear.

3) In Waiting Use waiting time at the dentist, meeting with your
boss or while waiting on your roast to cook to catch up on
reading or planning, or use the time to tidy up, filing or other
tasks.

4) Help Wanted: Be sure to offer praise to a subordinate, co-
worker or to a member of the family for any effort you've
noticed - they'll be happy to help you when you're bogged down.

5) Don't Put It Off! If you procrastinate you'll only get
stressed out when you think about that hateful "to do" item on
your list. You'll blow it out of proportion in your mind and
it'll become almost impossible to accomplish. Make sure you
tackle the largest or most disliked job first, dividing it up
into manageable tasks, then the other jobs will be a breeze!

6) Control Bug Delegate the tasks you have no time for or team
up with someone who can help you. (see tip #4!)

7) Group Effort Save time and footwork by collecting everything
to bring with you to complete errands or to distribute in each
room of the house instead of making too many trips. Make a fast
list while planning out your route and be sure to plan each stop
along the way so you don't have to backtrack and lose time.

8) Schedule Fun Time! Make sure you include some personal time
for YOU. Allot some time in your agenda - make an appointment
for yourself and keep it, even if it's only a leisurly 20 minute
bubble bath or a 15 minute walk in the fresh spring air!

9) Space Freebies Go through any old unneeded files to free up
space in your filing system.

10) Once and Only Once Each piece of paper should be handled
only once. Read it and either file it, redirect it to someone
else, schedule it or toss it. Don't add it to an ever-ending
pile on your desk in hopes that you'll get to it eventually.

11) Post-Master Use sticky notes to write errands needed to be
done. Stick them to your front door to remind you as you're
headed out.

12) Systems Engineer Too much time is wasted everyday on
searching for things. Find a system that works for you and your
lifestyle and apply it. Use it religiously and you'll find new
time slots you thought you never had!

Author: Heather Diodati

KIDS BEWARE ON THE INTERNET

There are a lot of fun and educational things for children to do
on the Internet. There are also a lot of people and web sites,
so you need to be careful about where you do your surfing. It's
a rosy world out there and there's bubbling excitement to enter
into a Chat Room or log on to a Messenger Program and interact
with people and E-mail them too. Here are some rules to remember
whenever you are online.

# Do not give out any personal information such as address,
telephone number, the name and location of your school, or the
work address / telephone number of your parents, without
permission from your parents

# Do not respond in any way to messages that are mean or that
make you feel uncomfortable. Ignore the sender and end all
communication. It is not your fault if you get a message like
that and if you do, tell your parents right away so that they
can contact the service provider.

# Do not to click on any links that are contained in e-mail from
anyone you don't know. Such links could lead to inappropriate
web sites

# Tell your parents immediately if you come across any
information that makes you feel uncomfortable

# Do not enter contests without asking your parents first

# Always check with your parents before downloading any programs
to your computer

# Never send a person your picture or anything else without
first checking with your parents that this is all right

# Never agree to meet with someone you have "met" online without
permission from your parents.

# Do not give out your Internet passwords to anyone (even best
friends), other than your parents

# Talk with your parents so that you can set up rules for going
online. Decide with your parents when you can be online, the
length of time you can be online, and appropriate areas for you
to visit. Do not access other areas or break these rules without
their permission. If you agree to these ground rules with your
parents, there is no reason for you to get into trouble. You may
also get 'Blocked sites' features like Krowser to make you surf
through inspected sites.

Follow these rules, they are not there to stop you having fun,
they are there to make sure you are safe online. Be a good
online citizen and do not do anything that hurts other people or
is against the law. Always treat others on the Internet the way
you want to be treated.

Author: ilaxi

Personalized Birthday Announcement for Your Child

Personalized Birthday Announcement for Your Child

Your child's birthday is a day that friends and relatives love to
celebrate. Unfortunately not all of them can be around then. Either they
live far away, or they are busy with their own immediate family or work.
Regardless, they would still enjoy receiving a picture of your child to
commemorate the occasion.

I suppose you could crank off a picture on your ink-jet printer and send it
to Grandma, but it would last about a week or two before it began to fade
and/or get torn up. The next place for that picture would be the trash. If
the friend or relative has e-mail you could send a picture to them via the
internet, but it would get viewed a few times and be relegated to some
obscure file on you D drive, never to be seen again.

Why not sent a birthday announcement that will last and be seen on a
regular basis? I'm talking about an inexpensive
refrigerator magnet. Have the manufacturer print a photo of your child on
it with the date and his name below it. How about a larger magnet with a
picture from each previous birthday in order to show how he has grown over
the years?

Why Send a Magnetic Birthday Announcement?
Refrigerator magnets last for years, and they find themselves adhering to
busy places in the home and office. They get viewed daily, so the recipient
can think of the birthday child all the time. They sure beat the dickens
out of a plain ol' photograph stuck in an envelope. Give the important
people in your child's life a birthday announcement magnet that they will
enjoy for a long time.

About the author:
Andrew has been writing articles for years. Previously he wrote a monthly
article on 2-way radios and police scanners, a stint that lasted for four
years. He enjoys riding his Harley, painting cars and motorcycles, and
spending time with his wife and kids. Recently a friend asked him to write
for her business called Fresh Impressions. Check out their <b>Birthday
Announcements.

Author: Andrew Barber
http://freshimpressions.us/birthday.cfm